Turkey time

I just passed by the Bestbuy and there were people huddled in the rain at 9pm. They had collected the shopping carts and set them on end and attached a fema blue tarp to form a black Friday bargain shanty. There are very few things in that store that I would want on a normal day but absolutely nothing in there I would want bad enough to camp out for. It is not for me. I hope those people get what they are looking for.

I realize that I am going down the lifestyle road that many people would never consider. I want to be debt free and unencumbered by clutter. It is like the sculptor describing his process as one of taking away any stone that did not look like the statue he had in his mind. I have an idea of what I want things to look like and I am trying to rid myself of the things that don't fit there.

I have spent the day talking to people that want to upgrades in their life. They want complexity and insanity all around them. I want as few internal combustion engines in my life as I can get away with. My span of control has been shrunk by my experiences of the last 18 months and I don't know if I will recover to normal again. The spinning, thrashing, whirling knobs and whistles of the Jone's society deter me from keeping up with them and in fact make me feel sorry for them a little.

I don't judge the stuff loving masses. It doesn't hurt me. They likely see me as some sort of uncluttering zealot unsuccessfully looking for internal peace by calming my physical surroundings. Everyone needs a hobby.

The Next Sound You Hear

I am shedding the weight of the worthless years. I am shredding and throwing out what is left here in my home office. I need to use a big commercial shredder. I have loads of hard drives to destroy.

I am looking at the objects around me in a new light. I don't want anyone to have to go through these boxes of old bills and legal pads trying to apply meaning to my random stacks of paper when I am done. I want to shed and or shred all but what I have to have. The noise you'll hear is the crashing down of hollow years and a small shredder.

I am letting go of more than just doo-dads and papers. I am letting go of the organizations and side projects that have defined my adult life. The days of me completing my BA degree, working a full time day job, working a side job 4 nights a week, and volunteering in multiple capacities at multiple echelons of command are dead and gone. Work obligations and my immediate family duties are what will remain after the purge.

I never thought that I would be here at this place so soon. I thought I had a few more years left in me. All of the projects and plans left jagged and failed. I have wasted so much for so long.

I can't really say I saw this ending any differently. Random instances of all-to-brief and utterly irrelevant success define my last 13 years. I once thought that my experiences were shaping me into a leader or perhaps guiding me to fulfill my potential but... nope. Not at all. Nothing of the sort. As it turns out I was mistaken.

That double trash can investment is really paying off here lately.

Questions of Representation

What do you represent? What do people know about you when you enter a room? Not what they think of you but what do they have faith in when you appear? Are they afraid or are they excited? Do they know that you are here to do something of worth or something that will simply end badly?

Thinking that you can savor a good response or alter a poor one is foolish. The same is true of our understandings of people we meet and deal with. They may not be in the same place you left them last. You have to accept that there are variables at work that fall beyond our scope of knowledge.

Lately I have found myself stepping left or right of where I would normally have stood metaphorically. I suck at chess because my ability to project beyond the here and now is very poor. Lately I have found myself trying to think beyond my next move. Don't get me wrong, if I were a strategist and not an idealist I would have more success in the material world. I am trying to see past the next moves to the end game. I suck at this too.

I am not a strategist. I keep thinking that if I were to plot and plan, map out my path, I would be able to walk with more certainty. The fact is that if I were to look too far ahead I'm afraid I would not like what I saw there. It may stop me altogether.

When does faith become an excuse? What or who is worthy of our faith? When do we finally get to see our sphere of influence from beyond our own perspective. Would we want to? It may be horrible.

The next thing

If all goes well I will have an office to call my own in a week or so. I plan to take all that does not make me happy out of my house and put it in the office. What will I do with all of this space?

I have a feeling that my joy about this space will soon fade away and it will become another brick in the wall.

I sold some old textbooks online tonight. I have been putting off that task for days for now good reason. I posted and sold two out of the three in less than 2 hours. I should say 2 and 1/2 episodes of Heros. I am now officially a Netflix junkie!

Clutter and Debris

I am letting go of the junk that surrounds me at home. I have two trash cans now and they are both full every week. I am finally moving in to this house. We have 5 years, 2 hurricanes, and 1 strike, in this house. The neighbors on both sides are the same as when we moved in. This is the most stable I have been in 15 years of living on my own.

I have not watched hoarders. I am not going through a 12 step program. I am not going through a mid-life crisis. The closest thing I can relate this to is perhaps waking up knowing that I am not likely to ever move out of this house. Some people would kill for this type of security. I feel suffocated by it. The things that don't change in my life are usually intangible and idealistic. My physical world used to be in constant motion but it is settling down now.

We will go to Ikea in the morning to buy some organization stuff. Nothing to fix my storage issues mind you but to fix kid storage issues.

I am waiting for the right opportunity to present itself for me to get moved into a "workshop". There are few rental opportunities that offer the type of security, access, and price that I am looking for. This is a fight for another day.

To be cliche'

It seems like there is someone standing right behind me all the time. Call it conscience, guilt, angel enforcers, whatever. Any minute they will draw their sword and take my head off with a single highlander turned samurai warrior chop.

This week I read of a man jogging on a beach being killed by an airplane landing on him. I swear I keep hearing low flying aircraft.

You don't know what you want until you get it and then you are usually half way through with it when you figure it out. The great moments in stories where people put the puzzle together and figure out that which had eluded them the first 300 pages never seem to happen in real life. That moment comes sitting on a riding tractor with hat hair in the rain . I can't figure it out.

In the Swing of things

Lets talk about the Small Business Server again. I have been asked to help swing migrate a bunch of SBS 2003 servers to SBS 2008 using the SBSmigration.com swing kit. I have not done one yet but it looks promising. I am having a conflict of conscience and I am starting to question if SBS 2008 is the solution that I want to encourage going forward.

Looking at my clients that have SBS 2003, none of them use Exchange. One did but they use a hosted exchange solution now so there goes that. I can't find anyone that has ever or plans to ever use Sharepoint. These seem to be the biggest reason to put up the extra money required to buy SBS 2008. If you remove these from the equation you start to wonder why pay more for SBS.

I am trying to make a list of things I like about SBS 2k3 other that I can only get with SBS 2k8. It is hard to do.

1. Remote Web Workplace. This is a big one because the ability to work from home is more popular now than ever. You would have to buy software to give a Server 2k8 Standard this functionality. This goes in the SBS 2k8 column.

2. Built in VPN. This is used at almost every one of our SBS 2003 clients currently and is very popular. It is a nice solution for those pesky laptops that need access. This is by no means unique to SBS. You can get software or hardware to do this for you without going to SBS. This goes in the Standard column.

3. Fax Server. This comes standard with Server 2008 anyway so this is not really a reason to go to SBS. Another one for Standard

4. GUI wizards and controls. I have only one client that would ever think about logging into the server to do anything on the GUI management console. I guess our clients just aren't interested in that sort of thing. This is no big loss for me because if you are going with Server 2008 Standard you don't need to configure the kinds of things that you do with SBS. Another win for Standard.

5. Free Outlook client. Oh, wait, that's right. Microsoft decided for me that no one in the world ever opts not to buy Office. It is not included in the more expensive CAL for SBS 2008. I can't say I know why. Another win for Standard.

I can't think of any other reasons to implement SBS 2008 instead of Server 2008 Standard. Remember I removed the Exchange and Sharepoint from the equation so if a client needed that sort of thing I would have to say that SBS 2008 would be a consideration.

I will do a price comparison between sbs2k8 and 2k8 standard in my next post. Should be interesting. Lets see where that takes us.