Always the bridesmaid

It seems to me that if you want something bad enough and you are willing to do anything to get it that you will eventually meet the guy that got it for free even though he does not want it or understand it. Can I get an amen on that one.

At present I am a contractor. A mercenary in the non-violent, economic sort of way. I am present but must not participate. I am observed but must not lead. Nonessential but cheaper than full on employee commitment.

At heart I am a patriot. I don't want to shake off the disdain at the end of each day like the postman in from the storm. I want to wrap myself up in the flag of my fathers and charge ever onward despite my enemies. Forsaking my detractors and flying in the face of the nefarious nare-do-wells and all like that. I want to be a part of something important even if anonymously.

I have to lead a double life in order to have a small role in the greater good. After hours unpaid citizen airman doing what no one will pay me to do.

I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't gamble. My resume is terse and succinct without embellishment or liberties and absolutely true. Maybe all of these things I hold as virtues are standing in my way. Perhaps people just assume that since everyone else is so screwed up that I must be lying about something. Maybe I need to reveal that I am a chronic procrastinator and a Lego Maniac. That ought to reel em in.

The bouncer at the What I Want Club keeps me behind the ropes and giggles like a geisha each time he lifts the rope for some punk to skip me.

Maybe I am secretly that bouncer and the guy in the front of the line is Destro and I am forced to stare into his shiny head right back at me and ignore the fact that he has rocket arrows on his wrist bands. Or maybe it is the wrist band rockets that tell me not to let him in.

I have given up on getting the job that puts me standing cross ways but rightously in the way of oppression or terror or something else pretty bad. I have given up on that call that says "we have noticed your work and would like to discuss your future". This will not ever happen.

I have to wonder if how much my adversion to the masonic mystery cults and charasmatic fire eaters of the world has harmed me. My inability to blend and fold into the shiney inner fabric of society means I will always be on the fuzz laden and stained outermost layer of the bedspread that is the middle class.

Blog More, Call Less

It is my new campaign slogan.

This weekend was all about the yard. I am not a yard guy really but I borrowed a self propelled 6hp mower this weekend. That rocked. I can't believe I have never used a self propelled mower before. Where has this been all of my life?

I then put a commercial grade string on my weed eater and went to town on the miles of sidewalk surrounding my house. I have to say that the yard looks good.

I found all sorts of yard things in the sunday ads today and I got all inspired. I may have to become a yard guy. They have sand with some polysomething built in so when you do pavers it holds better or something. I don't care, I am ready to buy it right now. All of a sudden I want to pull up my patio and put in some of that poly sand. I am ready to go!!!!

I also made burgers on the grill. Time to refill the tank and buy some steaks!!!! Spring is here.

Skip the introductions please...

I have officially spent enough time with Windows Home Server. About 1 hour. It may have a place in some homes but not in mine. The $100 you could spend on the WHS OS is better put toward a Buffalo NAS or DROBO.

I read a few articles about the technology behind the WHS. Its impressive but I am left scratching my head. I get that the backup software is supposed to be great but why put it in such a top heavy server? There is enough Server 2003 bits left in there to mess up your server if you don't know what you are doing. A warning tells you this as you log in.

The option I would rather chase is a DROBO. If you have not seen this you need to check it out. Couple the DROBO with a backup program like the WHS has and you would have a winner.

I am going to format this drive and toss the eval CDs into the trash. So long home server. I may have clients that need this one day but I won't be needing it.

My next step is to try out FreeNAS. I may just ditch all of this "replacing server" talk and put Windows Media Center on this PC and call it a day. I have a feeling that will not dazzle me either. The OS world has just not caught up or on to the home market yet.

Another Technology post

I have feedback from my only reader that I sound depressing. Well, to use the worst saying ever: it is what it is. This is a cathartic spew of melodrama and mixed metaphor and I am turning to this more than ever now. I can't say it will get any better but here is something for those still reading.

Windows Home Server - I have to say that I was a little confused when I requested the free 120 day eval from Microsoft. I had it in my head that this was a media center server or some combo like that. Man was I wrong.

If you are looking for an in depth probe of the features and buttons of this OS then you are in the wrong place. I am not a fan. I am not a hater either. I suppose that if I had the cash to buy a shiney new HP home server with the version of Windows Home Server that does not destroy your data then I would be happy with what it does. It has a place in the world of computers but... I don't have a use for it.

I should explain my situation. I have a operated a domain controller for 8 years now. I have a Dell GX1 and other than the rare reboot I have only had to shut it down for hurricane evacuations. I have Windows 2000 with software IDE RAID on old junk drives and a throw away refub chassis. It runs the little P3 500 MhZ processor at 75% 24/7 dedicated to folding @ home. This is a print server, file server, music server, DNS, DHCP, Account Control, so on and on. I guess I am spoiled.

Windows Home Server on the other hand is more defined by what you can't do (not supposed to do). There may be ways around all of these limitations but that is not the point. If you have to hack it there are far better hacker friendly open source projects out there than this. You can't run a domain from WHS and it can't join a domain either. The server can't be wireless but your clients can be. I will add more to this list as my demo lets me down.

I should also mention that the requirements are widely optimistic in MS fashion. I have a P4 2.8 with 512mb of RAM. This is minimum or better than minimum according to the package. It took over an hour to install. I went to bed at 1 hour. I don't really know how long it really took.

I watched enough of the install to see "Installing Windows Server Small Business 2003" at one point. This tells me that this is a product that they gutted and put some lipstick on. The lipstick is cool but not worth the price of admission.

I am on a mission now to upgrade my old server. I don't know if I will just move my domain to the newer PC or if I will keep the old GX1 until it goes out and put freenas on the new gear. I will keep you informed.

I am pretty sure that no one is reading now so I could be writing about gang-land debauchery or lethal stage dives and no one would know.

The Good Ship RSS

I don't know how this happened but I don't think a single one of my friends use RSS. I would wager on the fact that they don't know what it stands for. If it were not for Vista putting that stupid RSS reader on the gadget sidebar widget thing they would certainly never heard of it.

I say that to say this: Almost all of my friends are in the wide swath that is the IT field. Programmers, Sys Admins, Techs, Webbies, Comms, and the like. It makes me feel that I live in the wrong part of the country. They know their stuff but RSS is not in the mix I don't think.

On the other hand since they are not in those high paid big city IT positions here in this hell hole of a state they will not likely be one of the MCSEs working at McDonalds. I would rather be over qualified and underpaid in a state with a red state lifestyle than a millionaire in a megaopolis filled with mannies and shock jocks.

I wish I had known

Cruise Control buttons should have a skull and crossed bones on them. Anytime I think a part of my life is okay enough for me to set the Cruise and relax, I slam into something solid. Constant attention, constant focus. I suppose the pressure that is crushing me probably inspires some. I may have inspired me at some point but I am worn down. Worn and dull.

Joy is becoming harder and harder to find. Survival mode sucks. I am relegated to headphones and coffee. There is no place for me to be. There is no peace. It is all beach and no shelter.

The real problem is not the stress but the lack of payoff. I have never been in such a zero-sum game before. There are no points, there are no finish lines, just more race.

None of this is new to this world and I suppose instead of dying of diabetes at 47 I could be suffering of mercury poisoning at 20 like some fireworks assembly worker. I can put this all in perspective quick enough but that somehow doesn't make me want to trot on with a smile.

I grew up with almost zero exposure to country music. In high school I was forced to listen to Garth Brooks and Randy Travis thanks to my brother and I hated it. Anything with a slide guitar or banjo made me cringe.

Two things happened to change my mind about country music. First and most importantly I started playing guitar. The more I play acoustic the more I respected the country guitarists. Secondly I looked around for something unfamiliar to quiet the noise in my head.

In the last six months I have dunked my head into the sobering outright common sentimentality of ballad country music. I like the happy songs too but if it smacks of a bar song or a sing-a-long then I have to pass on it.

I have been caught off guard by some songs like "Allisya Lies", "Better in Color", and just tonight the song "November 8th" blew me away.

I am not saying that I know the artists or follow discography. I am still a Demon Hunter, Emery, and King's X fan. I have just opened new avenues of musical appreciation.

Another odd facet of my music enjoyment is the joyous phenom that is Kingdom Bound Quartet. They are like the Lil' Wayne of regional southern gospel quartets. Chicks dig them and they sell t-shirts. They are awesome.